Self Esteem
What exactly do we mean when we use the term self-esteem? In everyday conversation and in the professional literature the term is often thrown about loosely, used interchangeably with self-respect, self-love and a sense of self-worth, and also with the term "self-concept." In fact, though, these terms are not all interchangeable.
The self-concept or self-image is the set of beliefs and images we all have and hold to be true of ourselves. By contrast, our level of self-esteem (or self-respect, self-love or self-worth) is the measure of how much we like and approve of our self-concept. Or, as we've heard it put, "self-esteem is the reputation you have with yourself."
A person's self-concept will usually contain a wide variety of images and beliefs. Some of these are simply statements of facts whose accuracy is easily verifiable: I am a man; I am tall; I am black; I am a mother; I am a student; I am a woman; I am a secretary; I am poor. Others refer to less tangible aspects of the self, and their accuracy is not so easy to verify: I am smart; I am ugly; I am incompetent; I am sexy; I am unlovable; I am no good; I am worthless.
Anything you say out loud to yourself, or to someone else about yourself, or about anything else, is part of your self-talk and represents how you feel about yourself. Also, what you say when you are speaking makes up an important part of the pictures and directions you are feeding to your subconscious mind. It makes sense that if what you say when you are speaking paints the wrong pictures or delivers commands which give yourself counterproductive information, the end result will be that your brain will act on the information in a way that could work against you in any number of ways.
Telling a friend that you don't like your job cannot possibly help your job. You may make yourself feel better by getting it off your chest, and in most forms of therapy, that technique is used with some success. But how much better it would be if you were to change your attitude by changing the programming you were giving yourself, especially in those circumstances when the job (or any situation) isn't going to change just by complaining about it.
Your self-talk is at the heart of something we call "acceptance." There are times in life when all of us feel compelled to put up with a bad situation. But it is completely up to you whether you let that situation work against you, or make a mental decision to see it in a different way. Your self-speak, and other forms of self-talk, are the determining factor in whether the real you, the inside you, wins or loses.
We make hundreds of comments or statements in any given day. It might not seem all that important to phrase each of the many things you say each day in some positive way. But consider that each of those statements is a directive to your subconscious mind. Then add up those comments and statements over a week, a month, or a year. They add up to tens of thousands of minor but very important subconscious self-directives. They're important all right; they have a whole lot to do with what you accomplish, how you feel, and who you become.
The easiest way to determine which of the people around you are the real winners at life and which are not, is to listen to their self-speak; what they say when they talk about anything. Winners use self-speak to build an attitude that produces winning results. It doesn't mean that "winners" don't have problems. It doesn't mean that every day for them is a perfect day. But look at their average scores in winning at life over a few months or a few years. The better their self-speak, the better their score. The more positive their approach, the more successful the results. In time, positive self-speak becomes as much an automatic habit as walking, moving, eating, or sleeping. And when positive self-speak becomes a habit, so do the successes which the self-speak creates.
