Agreements & Promises That Aren't Realistic
An important measure of your control over your own life is the percentage of agreements you keep. Your objective, of course, is 100 percent. When you keep your agreements, you are doing it not only for the sake of the other people involved, but also for your own personal benefit and success.
Why, then, do people make agreements they are relatively certain they can't keep? One reason is the desire to please others and to avoid potential conflict. For example, let's say your boss asks for a report on Friday and you know it can't be ready by then, but you don't want to upset him, so you agree. Short-term gain in this case will result in long-term pain. When the report isn't ready by Friday, your boss will be really upset. You could have told him you couldn't possibly have the report ready by Friday so he wouldn't make his plans based on a date that was unrealistic. But you didn't. You might have suggested ways in which you could finish the report by the hoped-for deadline, such as some additional assistance. But if that was not practical, you should have both agreed on a deadline you could make.
Fear is another reason for making commitments you cannot keep. Let's say you've made plans to meet for dinner and the theater with your wife at 5:30, but at 5:00 your boss asks you to work late to finish a critical project. You know your wife has already left for the restaurant, but you're afraid you may be passed over for a promotion or even yelled at if you turn your boss down. So you leave a message for your wife at the restaurant, telling her you can't make dinner and she might as well go on to the theater without you. You then grit your teeth and do the work, distracted, feeling guilty, rushing to finish, operating under stress and interrupted by several phone calls from your wife. When you have finished the job, you get to the theater just in time to see the third act. And your wife, needless to say, is annoyed and angry.
In this situation, you have two commitments, one to your wife and the other to excellence on the job. Both are important, but you made the commitment to your wife first, and keeping it is your first priority. Explain the situation to your boss, without making excuses or apologies.
A third cause of broken agreements is the desire to please. Say, for example, your parents invite you for dinner at 7 p.m. on Sunday night. You want to come to please them, but you're playing in an amateur golf tournament. If you're lucky, you might be able to get to your parents on time, but in all probability, you know it will be unlikely. Still, you don't want to disappoint your parents, so you agree to be there at 7:00.
Sunday night comes, you're on the eighteenth hole, it's already 7:15, and your parent's house is half an hour away. Now you're miffed at your parents, yourself, and the slow foursome ahead of you. You feel like a victim because rain has slowed down the play, and you know that when you finally get to your parent's house, they will hardly appreciate the inconvenience their invitation has caused you. You've set yourself up to lose again.
Don't make agreements you can't keep just because you want to please the people involved. Tell your parents you would love to have dinner with them but you probably won't be able to make it by the time they have chosen. The alternative? Agree to have dinner later in the evening, or suggest another night. Conflict eliminated.
